I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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