I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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