Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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