Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
