we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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