yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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