At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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