My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
