what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
