singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
