You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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