we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
