My first STD was from a foam party
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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