i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
