haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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