i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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