So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
