How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I color on your dick again?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
