At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
