i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
