Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
