I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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