i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
