I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
