barbara walters just said penis...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
