Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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