it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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