Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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