you guys were way drunker than both of me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
