i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
