p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
