wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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