you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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