If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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