The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
