i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
