i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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