i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
