i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
