How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize