I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
