I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
