they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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