I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize