you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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