Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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