Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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