dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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