And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
