i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish you could order shots online.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
