super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
