I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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