I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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