Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
