Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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