He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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