there's paper in my vomit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
