I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please come you make the beer taste better
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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