so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
