i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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