remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
