I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
