i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize