I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
