Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
