We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
