You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
