I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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