I want to make a zoo with you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
