Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
