the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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