ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
