he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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