her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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