are you still at the devil's house?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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