I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
