My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
