JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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