Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
