Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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