Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
