your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize