at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
