i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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