I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
