Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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